I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I believe in your delicious
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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