I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
