and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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