I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
