so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
