the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
