we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
