My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We had to coat check the pizza.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
