We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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