Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
