Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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