I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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