My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
