thus making me awesome and them whores
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
