he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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