She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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