I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I bet he comes in French.
i just google imaged poop.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
