I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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