oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
