Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm just crazy horny about you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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