is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
