Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
