They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's the barista slut.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
