so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
