she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
