I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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