So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
