Someone shit on the floor
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
