You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
