no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
