I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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