god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
