Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
