I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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