i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
