someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
