you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
PANTIES FOUND
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