no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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