Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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