I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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