How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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