There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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