The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
