In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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