I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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