i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
