Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
