yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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