No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
