I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
