I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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